Hey all, Wood Street Girl here, I am frustrated.....recently I had to have my pals fill in a leadership potential form for me and one of the questions was 'does she accept the status quo?'. This question kind of bothered me as I read the form for myself, as a) I wasn't sure if I really understood what this meant, and b) I knew I was the kind of person who didn't like to rock the boat. I was brought up very much not to question authority over me and rather to leave the job/club/school musical production (serioulsy) than to try and change the system or bad leadership. It is very much ingrained in my perceptions that people who question why things are done a certain way are trouble makers, a bit above themselves and they should just keep their mouths shut and accept their situation, until they are the 'boss'. When I see people challenging the status quo appropriately and effectivley however, I find it quite inspirational and impacting.
As a result of not developing the skill of questioning the 'boss' and trying to get a system that is bigger than me to change, I really don't know how how to to handle situations/people that I want/need to challenge. I just get angry, sit in my bedroom, stare at my mirror and yell my frustrations at the person I should be talking to face to face. Due to not knowing how to handle these situations, when forced to deal with them, I either operate at one side of the pendulum swing or the other i.e. I am either too wimpy or too aggressive.
Honestly, I sometimes wish God would save me for myself. I need to change, I want change, but I don't know how, and now I fear I have neglected a situation too long, hoping someone else will say something and effect positive change. I fear treading on people's toes, of going over their heads, of undermining their authority, of their not wanting to be my friend anymore. Honestly, I need to grow up.
Prayer is the answer, as it can change not only me, but everything in this situation. Lord you are in control....please help me to let You be the boss.
3 comments:
this is a really honest and raw post, so hat's off to you for being so vulnerable.
Of course your right in that prayer is the answer, but often prayer involves an "and". Prayer and .....?
I know that sharig issue like this with a trusted friend is not only good but healthy. We're not meant to sort out everthing by ourselves, that's why community is so important.
Sharing with another can help bring a sence of perspective and suggestions on how to proceed. Sharing with another can also bring change, not in the system or person I want to change, but in me cause it's me that needs to do the changing.
Have appreciated the chats we've started about this in relation to various things that we're involved in.
I agree with Brodie; not just about the importance of talking with another about the issues that you want to see change in, but also other people can help and you to make the changes necessary. Sometimes it takes more than one! Sometimes we need to have a sense of "team" to effect change. One of the things that brings me most happiness in what I do now is recognising other people's strengths; I seem to be working often with people who are strongs in the things I'm not(if that makes sense!); and I am getting a real sense of other people's giftedness and appreciating how God uses people working together to bring about not only personal fulfillment but also the advancing of the kingdom.
"It is very much ingrained in my perceptions that people who question why things are done a certain way are trouble makers, a bit above themselves and they should just keep their mouths shut and accept their situation, until they are the 'boss'."
It's worth having a think about how and where this perception "took root"; as we know, things in our past have an annoying habit of interfering with our future :-)
Lots of love to you
How about a CO night soon?
Hi Wood Street Girl,
Just want to say it was good to meet you the other week.
I think I know what you mean about this. I've been fortunate (?) enough to work in a couple of places where the expectation was that we would come up with ways to improve the system (although that could be a bad thing if we didn't come up with enough ideas in a month!) and sometimes it got frustrating if there was a reason why they wouldn't implement the idea (even if it would obviously work!). You've hit on a key phrase "appropriately and effectively" - I once upset a manager (2 levels up from me) by an email that was probably worded out of frustration that my idea wasn't even being considered, and had to grovel a bit...
So my skills in this area are far from polished. This I have had reinforced by a ministry selection committee who decided that as I had been temping for 8 years I obviously had no ability to manage change - even though I had coped with changing jobs 12 or more times. Here's hoping they'll be convinced this time, since I've left work in order to study.
Anyway, I know that the emotional reaction (for me) is easiest to have and hardest to get past, but I find phrases like "would you explain", "I'd just like to understand", "could we try" etc, (as long as they're done in the right spirit and tone of voice) can be helpful - i.e. non-confrontational language. Asking why something 'is done' in a particular way rather than why *that person* does it like that can also be good - passive rather than accusative. I totally know where you're coming from with the fear thing, it hasn't gone away completely for me but it can get less.
All this said, of course none of it may be of any use. "Free advice is worth what you pay for it" and all that. But I hope some bits might help!
Nodrog
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