Unravelling

Every time I log on to my computer I see the view from my Dad's house, looking out onto the beauty that is Loch Long, West Scotland. It reminds me of when I used to go fishing as a young boy. Often we used to walk along the rocks at low tide looking for spinners and other hooks that had been snagged on the rocks - sometimes we would find a lot and sometimes nothing, but when we did find some it was interesting that the fishing wire or 'gut' was always tangled. This morning, it made me think of Christmas lights - they always seem to be tangled when you get them out the box too. Its amazing how things like fishing gut, christmas tree lights and any kind of rope, string or wiring can become tangled without any real effort at all, often we are left baffled with how it came to be that way, then it takes ages to unravel it. Sometimes it is so tightly wound that it seems it will be impossible to get it free.

This morning I awoke to find my heart like this. I am not sure how it has become so bound, I just know that it does not feel particularly free to feel and express its love. If it remains wound up, I will not enjoy any part of the day - it will be numb to experiences that normally may give me joy, I could just stumble my way through the day feeling as though I am not really involved in what is going on around me - my life in fact will be passing me by.

Last night my wife, Jill and I were out having coffee and I was explaining that so often I feel this way and find myself either dwelling on past events that have not gone as I would have liked or expected, or the opposite, worrying about what the future will hold for us or me. I realised that I find it so difficult to just be content in the moment and enjoy the blessing of now.

I believe as a follower of Jesus, he holds the key to this senario. As I was lying in bed last night I realised what was missing from my heart right now - the love of Jesus. People might say: "Well, if you have accepted Him as your Lord and Saviour, then you have received the Love of Jesus", yet I do not always feel His love - He feels so distant much of the time.
Jesus said: "Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. My Father will love those who love me; I too will love them and reveal myself to them." (Jn 14:21).
The small quiet voice inside my heart said last night: "Love, involves action. In order to feel God's love, you cannot just lie on your bed waiting to feel loved, it involves you playing your part too." I am so aware of the fact that I go through so much of my days walking on my own and not feeling God's presence, and yet as I examine my prayer life - or lack thereof - I realise where the solution to this problem lies. How can I love someone and feel love reciprocated when I am not communicating to and with them. If I never or rarely communicated my feelings toward my wife, I would be sure of never feeling love for and from her, why should I expect it to be any different with Jesus?

There have been times in the past, when by finding Elijah's cave (1 Kings 19:9ff), and reflecting on my most recent life events that I am able to unravel because the soft voice of the Holy Spirit reveals the issues and then helps me to let go of things that have causing me being tangled. Yet I do not do this nearly enough, and I have come to the realisation again that so often God is encouraging me to take time out and reflect, yet I do not listen and respond. I confess Lord that I am disobedient to your voice. I am like a child that will not listen to their parent's instruction, only to find themself getting into the bother that their parent warned them about.

When Moses renewed the covenant with the people of Israel before crossing the Jordan he said: "Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him." (Deut 30:19-20).

The author of Ecclesiastes wrote: "Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong." (Ecc 5:1).

When Jesus took Peter, James and John onto the mountain to pray God spoke directly to them- "Then a cloud appeared and enveloped them, and a voice came from the cloud: 'This is my Son, whom I love. Listen to Him!'" (Mk 9:7)

Jesus tells us: "the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." (Jn 14:26)

And James reminds us: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does." (Jas 1:23-25)

So how does my heart become tangled?
When I am not proactively seeking God to listen to His voice through the Spirit, my heart is like the garden, that unattended will be at the mercy of weeds.
Yet I can be confident that the Holy Spirit is always available to teach me and remind me of the truth. I must be listening and then be disciplined to act in accordance with the truth.

And so my prayer today is: Lord, please grant me the willingness, discipline and discernment needed for the daily journey of faith - to seek your voice in the quietness, to listen to your words of truth and life and to respond in obedience.