Christmas musings

Just wanted to note down a few of my (Wood St. Girl's) musings over the the Chrissie period:

1) I really like Stricly come Dancing - I only watched the final and the Christmas special, but it was really good. The only thing I didn't like was Bruce Forsyth's smutty introductions of the dancers - so cheap. What touched me in particular was when the intense sensuality of the dances contasted with the few seconds of film where Mark Ramprakash celebrated with his wife after winning. There was such open hearted love and intimacy in those few frames that the hip thrusting, bum wiggling dances didn't get close to.

2) I got the Take That album for Christmas and Wood Street Man got a laser guided jigsaw - bring on the power tools and cheesy pop, we're set! I also got series 3 and 4 of Spooks...form an orderly queue!

3) I love being on holiday - today was my first proper sleep in and I feel great. My dear husband however, had 10 days off before i went off on holiday and therefore is past the chilling out phase of holiday and now wants to be productive - he has written a colour-coded priortised list which is now on our google homepage. When I consider the time we have available to do all the painting, shopping, curtain making and cleaning he has listed I think today will be my first and only sleep in. (Note to self: remember to check answer machine at work tomorrow...!)

4) We're off to the Peak District to spend new year with my fabulous friends what I love. I met these guys in Norwich when I studied at my beloved UEA, which in my humble opinion is the best place in the world. Ya boo sucks to anyone who doesn't agree. The hard part for me when meeting up with my uni pals is that they all are doing amazingly well in their careers and climbing the greasy pole with ferocious speed while enjoying themselves magnificently. Up until fairly recently this is what I thought would be doing right now, and although my life is wonderful, spending time with these guys does make me want to get out there and kick the tyres. Is there a life out there for me that's more MI5 than 9 till 5? I hope so.

Recent trip to Oban

Thought you may want to see some photos of our recent (short) holiday in Oban. These are all from a day trip to the Islands of Seil and Luing, just a short drive south of where we were staying in a caravan kindly borrowed from our friends in housegroup.

If you're going to do something...

I was givin' St Silas big love last night! Their annual carol service was stunning. Dark sanctuary, professionally lit stage, smoke machine, 3 screen display - yes it looked like a proper theater/cinema. The singing was good, the procedings unpretentious, relevant, no in-jokes, good nod to tradition, all cheesey Christianness kicked out the door and a slick professional show presented. And the techie guys did magnificently (we're talking video/CD/Powerpoint all going simulataneously on 3 screens without flaw or failure for an hour and a half) - rah rah the Anglicans in the West! I was not embaressed once (which I was worried about as my mate managed to get 10 [well I counted 11] of his young professional unchurched friends along)!
Whether you were protestant, catholic, non-beliver, traditional or a raving charismatic the producers were right on the mark.
Above that the Christmas message was set out clearly and unashamedly - but relevantly, humbly, professionally and simply. There was extensive coverage of the prophetic passages that point to Jesus, which was good and man, I loved the way the powerpoint was done…it was just so cool and understated. Gadget Vicar also did a great job with a strong emphasis on being a seeker and going to Alpha.
For me, the best thing, and this might sound dreadful, is that I didn't feel embarassed by anything that went on. The person that organised it deserves a medal, or a payrise, or something.

Off with the old

Last week was the monthly 'Daughters of Destiny' meeting at QP, and it was, as ever, awesome. I am pretty evangelical about this group and have got 3 of my pals from different churches coming along pretty regularly. DoD (as it is affectionately known) is for 18-35 year old women and is what I would term a charismatic-prophetic-Spirit-led discipleship group, although my experience of that kind of thing is pretty narrow. All the serious theologians will be loving that hypenated term! One of the main things that makes these meetings special is that there is particular emphasis on ministry - and no-one escapes - the leadership appear fully committed to making sure that everyone who attends is prayed with and ministered to - sitting passively is not an option. This also makes it a bit scary, as some of the women have amazing prophetic gifts and an uncanny ability to put their finger exactly on where you are in life at that particular moment. I'm talking hotline to God stuff. This is so encouraging and sometimes a bit uncomfortable if I am having an attitude problem.

Before Thursday however, I'd never seen manky old bras and pants being put on a cross before, but I have now! The speaker for the evening was Sandra King who works with Clive Corfield at Sovereign Ministries. She was speaking on Esther and how she prepared for meeting the King with baths and beauty treatments for 6 months. The focus was particulaly (well what I took from it) on bathing, and when we get into a bath, we don't seem to mind taking off our clothes, but quite often we take off our undies as fast as possible without looking at them and jump into the water; sometimes we can even forget to take them off and put a foot in the water before removing them. The spiritual parallel is that we have grubby layers under us that we can forget to take off when we come into God's presence, layers that we put on each day without thinking about and which we can keep putting on for years because no-one sees them but us. Sandra encouraged us to take off these grotty layers, layers of self-pity, grief, hurt etc. and lay them down at the cross - symbolised by her hanging her own grotty bras and pants on the cross. It was piercingly effectively and what followed was an outpouring of confession, repentence, pain, loss and hurt (which my colleague and I refer to as a snotfest) with bodies strewn on the floor, some overwhelmed by their pain, others by God's Spirit. Anyway, business was done with God and wholesale healing received. I've not hard-core cried at a DoD meeting for a while now, which I think is a good thing, but sometimes God can catch you unawares.
I love meetings that leave you with a deposit of their message that lasts all month, and that was one of them. Bring it on God.

10 things I'll never do

Ok, I'll head the Wood St. World charge, following in the steps of mightly bloggers such as Lynn and Nick....

1. Drink tea with milk
2. Bungee jump
3. Train to be an accountant
4. Buy Nestle
5. Be a teen pop sensation
6. See a baby minature donkey (ask Wood St. man!)
7. Watch a party political broadcast
8. Streak at an ICC football match (despite Sean and Dougie's allegations)
9. Not dance at a disco
10. Do one of these lists again!

Fight or Flight?

Hey all, Wood Street Girl here, I am frustrated.....recently I had to have my pals fill in a leadership potential form for me and one of the questions was 'does she accept the status quo?'. This question kind of bothered me as I read the form for myself, as a) I wasn't sure if I really understood what this meant, and b) I knew I was the kind of person who didn't like to rock the boat. I was brought up very much not to question authority over me and rather to leave the job/club/school musical production (serioulsy) than to try and change the system or bad leadership. It is very much ingrained in my perceptions that people who question why things are done a certain way are trouble makers, a bit above themselves and they should just keep their mouths shut and accept their situation, until they are the 'boss'. When I see people challenging the status quo appropriately and effectivley however, I find it quite inspirational and impacting.

As a result of not developing the skill of questioning the 'boss' and trying to get a system that is bigger than me to change, I really don't know how how to to handle situations/people that I want/need to challenge. I just get angry, sit in my bedroom, stare at my mirror and yell my frustrations at the person I should be talking to face to face. Due to not knowing how to handle these situations, when forced to deal with them, I either operate at one side of the pendulum swing or the other i.e. I am either too wimpy or too aggressive.

Honestly, I sometimes wish God would save me for myself. I need to change, I want change, but I don't know how, and now I fear I have neglected a situation too long, hoping someone else will say something and effect positive change. I fear treading on people's toes, of going over their heads, of undermining their authority, of their not wanting to be my friend anymore. Honestly, I need to grow up.

Prayer is the answer, as it can change not only me, but everything in this situation. Lord you are in control....please help me to let You be the boss.

Learning to Lose

I hate losing. We lost our football match yesterday and I intensely disliked the experience. When I was a young child, when things did not go my way I would throw a massive tantrum. I remember playing my brother at tennis and having a mighty strop when he won - sometimes even when he won just a single point! John MacEnroe had nothing on me :-)

I remember on holiday amidst one of these tennis strop incidents my Mum said that it was more important playing than winning - I'm not sure if I have ever accepted that reasoning, in fact for a while I really felt that this advice has caused me to lose my competitive instincts, although I see it a little differently now. When I went to America to sell books I learned the positive side of losing. 90% of people would not buy books from me, but the other 10% who did helped me to make quite a bit of money. I learned that every 'no' brought me closer to a 'yes'. I would review each presentation for ways to improve the next time (although sometime I over analyse way too much which is counter productive - but more of that another time).

Set backs, I believe can contain many great lessons - they show up weaknesses to strengthen; things to do differently and provide motivation to do better next time. Defeat also helps with something I constantly need to work on - humility.

My desire to win came from a belief that I have to be the best at everything I do. I do not think this is bad in itself, but only when it is combined with the realisation and acceptance that I still have a long way to go to be better does it become a positive motivator. I realise more and more (although slowly) as I get older how much I need to improve in all aspects of my life - particularly how I deal with set backs and disappointments when things do not go my way. After all, who wants a 32 year old throwing a strop on a football pitch anyway!

Strangely satisfying................

In 101 things to do before you die, this should definitely be at least in your top ten!!

http://www.therightfoot.net/mystuff/whatever/swf/bubblewrap.swf

Check out this link and tell us one word or phrase that describes your experience.......

Mine is: "Strangely satisfying and remarkably relieves stress!"

Your starter for ten...

Gosh, Wood Street Girl here, and this is my first post and first foray into sharing my innermost thoughts with the masses. I notice that people who blog regularly rant, question, laugh at themselves, laugh at others, comment and observe in turn. Where should I start? One big question I have been mulling over for the past few months is whether feminism has become an opiate of western womanhood, which tends to wear off when women realise they cannot 'have it all' and in fact, must make a choice between the killer career and a family. I don't mean to imply that opting for one precludes the other, but instead that woman must accept that the lesser priority will suffer (sometimes significantly). More to come on this one, but if I ever meet Germaine Greer I have some issues to resolve.

A more recent question is, do people regret having children? even a bit? A blog I follow wrote with a degree of shock, that today his eldest started high school and something to the effect of, as a parent, 'doesn't time fly when you were having fun'. Is having kids so great? As a childless woman, from the outside looking in it, life with children seems to go in cycles; ecstacy and joy seem to turn to frustration and personal limitation not just within single days but across seasons in a parent's life. Is what children bring worth what you have to give up? And what gives adults confidence they will be good parents? In response to the rather pathetic view that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, I heard a woman say 'I'd rather be called selfish than a bad mother'. Is that just a clever response to a narrow minded opinion or do young (and not so young) women today really doubt their ability to parent?

I read a commentary on a book written about a woman who genuinely regrets having her kids. In fact the book was written by a single (or at least childless) woman, and was simply the product of her imagination, however she was flooded with letters from women who emphathized with the sentiments of the book. Wow. Do women really feel this way? If so, why? Thoughts please.

For myself, God willing, a family is definitely on the agenda for me (and Wood Street Man), as some knawing voice says that children are not just a way to make me feel loved and needed, but will in time lead to them having happy, fulfilling and productive lives. But is this feeling a biological trick to keep us reproducing? Who knows, and in a sense who cares, because since God first said 'be fruitful and multiply' I don't remember Him changing his mind.

Kicking off the new season

I played my first competitive football for a number of months today in a friendly for ICC against another first division side, Avendale. Throughout the summer I have struggled with a back problem, but today after 5-6 weeks of chiropractor help and a lot of stretching exercises for my hamstrings, I made it through 45 minutes without any problems whatsoever. In fact I would go as far as to say I am fitter than I have been for the last two years.

I get a lot of stick from the boys for being 32 when most of them are early to mid twenties. I hope to prove to them that I can still cut it and am adamant that I can even be fitter than most of them.

As a team we are going to be truly challenged this year after winning the league and cup double last season. A few of the teams are beginning to take training as seriously as we have for the past two years and have enlarged their squads too. We are now the team to beat and others will raise their game when they play us. Probably the biggest challenge we will face is that if we continue to be succesful we can easily get arrogant and then lose respect from other teams. I hope we can remain humble and respectful of other teams that we play. It may however be a bit early to think about that as we have not played all the other teams yet and do not know what they have been doing to strengthen and improve themselves over the summer. All we can do is keep working hard to improve and do our very best in every game, leaving the rest up to God.

I'm so thankful for the football team, it is such a blessing - not least keeping me physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually fit. Thank you Lord that you have brought me to this place with this group of people at this time in my life.

Humilty or Self-belittlement?

Did you ever have one of those moments that alters the direction of your life? I think I just had one yesterday. Having been recently challenged by Lynn http://www.helpiworkwithchildren.blogspot.com about being stuck in May :-) I wanted to share it with you.

Recently I have been reading 'Every Day with Jesus' a daily devotional written by Selwyn Hughes. The particular message that day was "The true way to be humble". Up until this point I unfortunately agreed too readily with the picture above. I fostered the belief that humilty was to put myself down so as not to promote myself or be too forthcoming for fear of becoming proud or overbearing. It has been a truly sad state to be in. I have had a reluctance to exercise my gifts and abilities and in many ways allowed myself to be a shadow of the person God has created me to be. I allowed myself to have an inferiority complex, always comparing myself to friends and colleagues that were realising various levels of success in whatever they were involved with.

The true way to be humble according to Phillip Brooks: "is not to stoop until you are smaller than yourself, but to stand at your real height against some higher nature that will show you what the real smallness of your greatness is."

When I read this I was really struck by two things: Firstly that God gives me permission to try my best at everything - it is a privilege and freedom that I can rejoice in knowing that even if I make mistakes he will still love me. Secondly that no matter how hard I try and how successful I get I will still be overshadowed by the greatness of Jesus and what he has achieved for us by choosing to endure death and separation from God the Father on the cross.

Selwyn Hughes points out that humilty can never be self-belittlement, it can only flow out of a conciousness of God's greatness. I heard someone say once that: "humilty is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less". I now realise that when I am focussed on doing my best in everything I am always thinking less of myself and more of the projects and people I am trying to serve. Praise God!

If I could change the message on the sign above it would read: "Think great things of yourself, you can be safe in the knowledge that there is one greater still who deserves all the praise!"

Self Help to Pete Tong to Happily Ever After

When I was 19, I went to America and worked for the summer. The company I worked with was amazing in that they invested so much time and energy in training, mentoring and encouraging students to be successful at the job. I was also exposed to self help books like The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People and How to Win Friends and Influence People. Now I really enjoyed reading these and it was a whole new world to me - how to get the best out of myself personally and professionally. I went back for a number of summers, each time learning how to grow a business and each time challenging myself to do better than before. I became reasonably succesful, yet knew I could always do better.

As I look back now, I do not regret a minute of the 11 years I worked at this career and I found that many books such as the ones I mentioned above were extremely helpful in shaping the way I think about myself and the world around me. However, I know now that there was an element of this that was not healthy for me.

The reason I am blogging about this today, is because just this last week I have been realising that for all those years I had been trying to help myself to become someone I was not created to be. I believe each of us is born with gifts, personalities and abilities unique to us and only by living authentically in line with these will we be truly fulfilled and happy. I remember the first time I did one of those exercise that identifies your personality type. I wanted to be the one that I thought was the best - you know the stereotypical businessman. Yet I was someone slightly different. I spent years comparing myself to people that were more successful than me wanting to be just like them, but all the time denying the person God had created me to be and as a result hurting myself by expecting things of myself that I could never fulfill. For years I have carried a burden of dissatisfaction about myself and I always related it to not being successful enough at work, so I kept on trying harder or trying to improve my skills, but it never really brought the fulfillment i was seeking.

I am now, with God's grace learning to be content with me, realising that I do not need to do anything to be loved and accepted by Him. This has been an amazing realisation and one that is encouraging me more day by day. I still have days where I find myself trying to be someone I am not, but each time it happens I am so much better at reminded myself to chill out.

I do not have anything against self help books, I learned so much from them and still have a number that I refer to. Its when someone like me is not that comfortable or confident in their own skin that they can misuse them to try and define themselves as a particular type of person.
I remember the VP Marketing for my old company once said in a seminar that the Bible was the best self-help book ever written. Without being too cheesily Christian, I will say, Amen to that!

Champion-ees, Champion-ees!

Great news - We won the CUP - WAHEY!!!!!!

The score was ICC 4 - 0 Hope Hall. I was really impressed with Hope Hall. For a team two divisions below us they gave us a really good game and had some good players too. I really appreciated friends and family coming to watch although I was quite disappointed that I didn't get a chance to play.

Because it was a cup final in the Churches League we organised with the other team to pray at the centre circle before the match kicked off. You know, life is really funny sometimes because I remember when I used to tease and make fun of Christians for this kind of thing and there I was yesterday leading both teams in prayer! God's got a great sense of humour:-)

After a season of many injuries, I am looking forward to preparing for next season. We are looking at entering into the Scottish Amateur Cup, which would be a massive challenge for us, but something we need to keep us motivated now we have proven ourselves to be the best team in the league this year. It has also been said on many occasions that it is one thing to win the league, but real champions retain it.

I am hoping that we can be more involved with the college next year. As the body that supports us to be in the league in the first place it would be amazing if we could do a couple of joint events. Perhaps even go there for pie beans and chips after the match! I'm really looking forward to being the team rep to the league next year because I have noticed that this team means so much more to many of the lads than just a game of footie on a Saturday morning. They are a great bunch, yet quite a few of them are a bit lost and I hope I can just be a source of encouragement and support for them as they navigate life's little complexities.

I never thought I would hear myself say this, but bring on pre-season training!

The Wisdom of Ronan Keating

Well the end of another week is upon us. Jill and I are always excited when we get to Friday evening. Generally the cry when we get home is: "Its the Weekend!" and we get excited about being able to spend time together doing fun stuff.

This week was a bit of a roller coaster for me, here are some of the highlights and lowlights:

Monday morning teaching Mission in the book of Acts to people on the Equip discipleship course at church and being really encouraged when they prayed for me at the end -Highlight

Tuesday morning waking up at 7:25am and remembering I had a student council meeting at 7:30am, after a deodorant shower trying to stay outside a 2 meter radius of people for the rest of the day - Lowlight

Wednesday getting really stressed out about essay due for Friday to the extent that I even missed Jill's home made pizza - Lowlight

Thursday evening I went to Footie training - no injuries and in the squad for Cup final on Saturday morning - Double Highlight

Friday - Finishing my essay and handing it in at 3:59pm (2 minutes later would result in just a pass/fail verdict rather than a letter grade) - Highlight with feelings of great relief.

We're off to have dinner with some friends from church tonight and have a cup final to play in tomorrow - I love finishing the week on a high!

The question is: My cheesy reference to a song by an ex-boyzone member for the title of this entry - highlight or lowlight?

Summer Work anyone?

I find it quite easy to blog in fits and starts. Last week I blogged every day and sometimes twice! But now I am blogging for the first time since Saturday.

I just sent off my CV to a recruitment consultant to apply for summer work - WOW, this is a blast form the past. It is not something I have had to worry about since 1994 when I went out to America to sell books door to door and ended up working with the company for 11 years.

The work I am interested in is as an interviewer who goes out to companies and does all their assessment interviews. It may only be part time, but it seems to pay quite well and may be something I can continue through the college year. I am somewhat keen to have a bit of flexibility over the summer for other pursuits that may catch my eye - I am thinking about doing a car mechanics course!

I also spoke to a dear friend yesterday who was telling me about a company that works with Independent Trainers as associates and was going to recommend me to them. There is potential to make a lot more money, but it may depend on whether they have work to be done up in Scotland.

I trust that God has something ideal in store for me, something that will be interesting and helps pay the bills. Ah, the joys of student life return - Anyone know of any good summer jobs?

Counting my blessings

I just spent 24 hours with a friend that has not been able to return home for 5 years because of the political situation in his country. He has 4 brothers and 2 sisters between the ages of 18-31 and parents who dearly miss him.

We went to visit my Dad and Grandmother, I go about once a month. Frequently I feel guilty for not visiting them more often, but today I am just thankful and very appreciative that I can go and visit them full stop.

Mentor or Manager

On Friday in our class on communication skills we looked at different models of mentoring from industry and the church. The class began with being asked: "How would you not liked to be mentored?" At first it was difficult for me to think, which was surprising because I have been blessed with excellent mentors in the past. Then I just started to think about the great mentoring I had received and it was much easier.



I don't want to be given the answers, I want help in finding them
I don't want to be told, I want to be shown
I don't want empty talk, I want integrity
I don't want tasks, I want responsibility
I don't want to be let slide, I want to be held accountable
I don't want someone to pussy foot around, I want someone to tell me like it is.
I don't want to be capped, I want to realise my potential
I don't want to be managed, I want to be lead
Most of all I want someone who challenges me to grow out of a loving concern and commitment to the development of my character and abilities.

The first manager I ever had was an amazing leader. She took an real authentic interest in not only my professional development but my personal development and helped me build character by forming the discipline to do things that felt uncomfortable or a chore. An amazing lesson for a 19 year old. I think that to be an effective mentor you need to practice tough love, because that is the only way that we can be held accountable to grow. As I look through the gospels I see Jesus often being tough with his disciples because he knew they needed preparing for the great commission, but he did it with compassion and concern for their welfare. In Mark 6:7-13 he sent them out to preach, heal and drive out demons, then when they returned he made sure he took them aside to give them a chance to eat and have rest (Mk 6:30-31).

As I look back now I thank God for the way he was working in my life even before I recognised Him as Lord.

Training

I'm off to footie training tonight. The team I play with won our league two weekends ago and we're in the cup final next Saturday. I have been quite injury prone this season, my stats so far are two hamstrings, one ankle, one groin strain; a strained back and one goal in the first game of the season! The boys tell me its because I am 31 years old, but I am in complete denial and am determined to prove next season that I can play a full 90 minutes more than 2 weeks on the trot:-)

Anyway, tonight is an important session for me as I did not train last week or play on Saturday and the boys that did played brilliantly to win 6-0. So I am off to impress the coaches tonight to try and win a place in the squad for the big day. I hope I can play, my Dad's coming to watch and it would be great if he could actually see his son play for even just a part of the game. I may need a lot of prayer!

Believe it or not

Have you ever seen a 20 stone, 5'11" rugby prop, wearing a Superman T-shirt do a handstand in the middle of a library?

I'll let your imagination do the rest!

Finding my Feet

It takes a while to get used to a new role, that's what I have been finding recently. I am no stranger to leadership posts, speaking in front of large groups, chairing meetings, organising events and everything else that comes with being the student president at ICC but the last four weeks have been a real learning curve for me and reminded me that is is so easy when we have not been exercising our skills and talents to become underconfident. I am so grateful for one member of the student body who took the time after morning worship last monday to encourage me that he could see me getting more used to the role. It put things in perspective and really settled my nerves. I had the chance to thank him yesterday and he noted that the previous president had been the same - I had thought it just came effortlessly to my predecessor, but then I didn't see his first term 'in office'.

The college community is such an encouraging place, despite being a bit shaky (particularly leading the college in prayer) everyone has been so patient and understanding. Thanks to everyone that has prayed with me and for me the last few weeks, I really appreciate you and what you have been doing to help. Mostly, I want to Praise and thank God for calling me to this post and allowing me to use my gifts to serve my fellow students in this way - you know me so well.

If you want something done.............

Give it to a busy person, or so the saying goes. I am finding this to be so very true this week. I find it amazing that when I am not so busy it seems that what I do have to do carries more weight, yet when I have loads to do, the burden seems so much lighter because I am just concentrating on getting it done, rather than inwardly complaining that I have something to do!

This week I have 3 assignments to hand in, an academic board meeting to attend for 3 hours tomorrow afternoon a 2 hour teaching part to prepare for the Equip discipleship training programme on Monday morning. Amongst that we were out for dinner last night, are going to housegroup tomorrow night, I have football training on Thursday evening and then we are off to visit Dad over the weekend......phew!

I love pressure, it brings out the best in me. Must go now, 'cos I need to write a teaching session on Paul as a Missionary in Acts.

Cycling home from Siberia (via Oz)

I have a friend that has been cyling home from Siberia (click on link at the side) to raise money for a children's charity. His name is Rob, he is a Christian and I got know him when selling books during the summer in England. His latest blog entry was fascinating as he describes his journey through Australia (I know, not exactly on route from Siberia to UK!), but the most interesting comment he made was right at the end:

It has been a very worthwhile experience so far - with over ten
thousand pounds raised for Viva Network and their amazing work with children at risk and a good "University of Life" education for me, but is it worth keeping this up for so much longer... all of us (or at least all of us from wealthy countries)live in prisons of our own making and I am not going to keep cycling just because that was my original stated aim... but, for a number of reasons... I think I will keep riding... we shall see...!

This experience has been part of my spiritual journey. Before I went to Bible college, I felt very trapped by the expectations I had of what type of person I should be and what I should do to be deemed successful. In my time at college, I am finding an amazing amount of freedom to be myself, and to discover what I would most like to do with my life. I only have one of them, it is an incredible blessing and I want to make sure I use it to glorify God and have a significant impact on the lives of other people.

Keep going Rob, I am so inspired by your courage and determination!

Daft Supporters

I went to watch Glasgow Warriors play Llanelli Scarlets in the Celtic League tonight at Firhill in Glasgow. I went with a friend and my Dad. It was cool to see my Dad, I really appreciate having the chance to go and do something like that with him as I don't get to see him that much. The only slight problem was that he was wearing his Wales Rugby top proudly and stood out a mile amongst a stand full of passionate Glasgow fans.Even his support wasn't quite enough to spur on the visitors though as Glasgow ran out 17-10 winners, even surviving a late surge from the Scarlets to try and level the game.

I've been to a few football games in Glasgow and you can really notice the difference between the supporters. The rugby fans shout and complain at the referee just as much, but just without the swearing! The best shout of the night though had to be at the Ref (who was wearing a yellow jersey):

"Ref you're wearing the right coloured jersey, you big coward!"

Hilarious! I can't imagine hearing that at Parkhead.

If you have ever watched sport, what is the daftest things you have heard come from the mouth of a supporter?

Precious Moments

They come along once in a while, you wonder where they come from and why they have to end.

I was blessed with a precious moment last night as Jill and I finished eating dinner and started to dance in waltz grip around our wee living room in our top floor flat with romantic music playing in the background and the sun streaming through the window. It was not planned, lasted for about 5 minutes, but will be remembered for a lifetime. Marriage is truly a blessing.

Happy Birthday Alan

A big happy birthday to my friend at college Alan Harrison! You can check out his blog at http://butterhook.blogspot.com/ I hope you have a great weekend in Newcastle and see you on Monday :-)

The blessings of Friendship

I had quite a wierd but cool day today. Wierd because this morning I just felt out of sorts, a bit sad and a little without hope and encouragement. As I got to college, instead of sitting down to write my essay on Philemon, I went to the prayer room and sat for about an hour in silence - thinking, contemplating, praying and reading parts of the psalms and John's gospel. It really helped reassure me that God is a part of my life and even though may not always give quick fixes to my problems, will always be available to help me through tougher times.

I then chatted to one of my best friends over lunch and as I walked him to Queen Street station on his way home. This was a time of real encouragement to me - not because he was able to give me answers to my problems, but just by being there to hang out, listen and share his own thoughts and feelings. I am so thankful that God has given me this friendship this year, it has really helped me to re-learn about what friendship is all about. It also reminded me that often the way God answers prayer may not always be through some supernatural occurance but through the people I am surrounded by every day.

Where did Spirituality come from?

"So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city. That is why it was called Babel - because there the Lord confused the language of the whole world. From there the Lord scattered them over the face of the whole earth." Genesis 11:8-9

I had an interesting conversation with my brother last night. We talked about something fascinating - how could it be that all the different world peoples in ancient times develop a similar desire to worship something bigger than themselves without necessarily having interacted with each other - e.g. Native Americans; South American Indians; Egyptians. His current thinking is that there may be a higher power, not necessarily in the traditional form of the Jewish/Christian/Muslim belief system, and that as humans we have a natural instinct to worship that higher power.

My own belief is that the God of the Bible is that higher power, He created the Universe and the earth and He created humans as spiritual as well as physical beings. For me this part of the Genesis narrative goes some of the way to answering that question. Of course for people that may not believe in the historicity or legitimacy of the Bible it would be harder to accept this explanation. Throughout our Old Testament studies we have looked briefly at a number of conflicting opinions on this matter and so far everything I have examined has not changed my mind about the legitimacy of the Biblical accounts. I think it is really important for Christians to be open minded and hear challenges to our beliefs - it has really strengthened my faith to realise that other explanations often have much less corroborating historical evidence than the Bible does for what they claim, in fact in some cases I reckoned it takes far greater faith to believe them than it does to believe in Jesus.

I'm interested to know what others think of this question that my brother raised and my response, please leave a comment if you feel you have anything to add to the discussion.......................

My wife is awesome!

Jill and I have been married for just over a year now. In this time I have really come to appreciate some of the ways we are different, yet also complimentary. For example - She dislikes washing dishes, and I dislike hanging up wet laundry - its such a faff. However, I really like keeping our rather small kitchen clear from mess and Jill enjoys folding laundry: strange creatures we are! I am so thankful that God brought us together (see 'Testimony' from Sunday March 19th 2006). Even though I did not realise it at the time we are perfectly suited. That does not mean we have a perfect relationship every day (although a lot of days we are not far from it in my mind)but as we continue our life together I realise more and more how we are complimentary in different ways. I love my wife - My wife is awesome!

Rest and Restoration

It's amazing what a difference a good night's sleep makes. The last week or so has been a bit tiring. It started with a weekend away to Newcastle with the boys from football which knocked my sleep pattern a bit, then I was ill for a few days which really knocked the stuffing out of me, then Jill and I were away for the weekend. All of these things have disrupted my normal routines and so coming into this week with a friendship day to organise at college which lead to me writing a talk until 2am on Monday night resulted in me feeling just a little bit drained. Any time I get drained I feel fearful, doubtful and generally uncertain about my faith - but last night I had an early night, then a relaxing bath this morning and all of a sudden this afternoon when it came round to studying I felt so different. Going to the prayer breakfast with Biz and Chris really helped too and I really appreciated the chance to share with them both and begin the day in prayer. I'm off to footie training tonight with a bit of a dead leg and a big game looming on Saturday - one more victory and we are the Champions! An update will be forthcoming.......

Bigging up the Student Council

Yesterday, was the day of Friendship at college. Its a day when all students and staff of the college come together without work commitments and hang out playing games, chatting and working on small projects together. For the student council it can be hard work to make sure everything is set up and then things are running smoothly. I am really blessed with an amazing group of students on the council who worked so hard to make sure the day was a success and so I wanted to recognise them today. Thanks to: Dace; Dave; Angela; Stephen; John; Simon; Biz; Peter. Thanks for being so awesome!

Friendship

This weekend, Jill and I spent with our closest friends in Prestwick. They are emigrating to America in August and this was possibly the last time we will have such a close and relaxed time with them. It was also Jill's birthday which made it really special.

Tomorrow morning I am speaking to the whole student body at ICC on our Fellowship day. It's a time for students to come together without the necessity to read, study, write essays or go to classes in order to strengthen the bonds of friendship that enable community to form and grow. My 10 minute address is on the theme of friendship and for a while I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to share. Yet this weekend I have experienced friendship at what I believe is its truest form.

I have often felt that friendship occurs when you meet someone that you have something in common with, then have common experiences with which help form relationship.

Here are four people (two couples) each with a relationship with God in Jesus Christ, that have known each other for a number of years and have shared many experiences together. However this weekend I realised that one of the reasons this particular friendship is so strong is that we share a common vision/dream for the football team that Stuart and I play with. Our hope and dream is that the lads we play with would come to know Jesus as their Lord, the one that can fulfill the things that are missing in their lives. As we prayed together about this and many other things yesterday afternoon, there was a greater unity that came into our relationship which has brought us closer together. Perhaps a little ironic in that they are moving to Wisconsin in the summer, but a reassurance to me that this is one friendship that will not fall away because of distance.

I would suggest that perhaps the truest and fullest friendships are ones that have Christ in common; spend time together sharing experiences, ideas and feelings; and are united in reaching out to people in need of God's love (in whatever form that may take) through mission.

I would appreciate your comments on this or anything else I write on my blog, so 'answers on a postcard..........'

On Mission, not Missing

Its a nice compliment when someone syas to you - What's been happening in Wood Street World? - in a tone that says - Where have you been? Having not written for over a week, I've lots to say, but am concious that I could bore anyone quite easily with a blow by blow account of my week!

ICC where I study supports a football team that plays in the West of Scotland Evangelical Churches League. We're currently at the top of the league with 4 games to play, needing 5 points to win the championship!
We went away for the weekend to Newcastle. The majority of the boys are not Christians and have a lifestyle that I used to share, which meant it was interesting for two reasons: First because I still feel a pull or pressure to drink and behave in a certain manner in order to be 'One of the lads'. Secondly because, knowing me and my beliefs, it leads to some very interesting discussions.

I have been praying for one of the lads in particular who has asked me about my faith on a few occassions. We had two great discussions in which I was able to share parts of my testimony. The first time he said that so much of my story was just so relevant to him at that point in time and the second he confessed that he really wants to change a lot of his attitudes and behaviours, but he finds it so difficult.
In one sense these discussions were so encouraging, and in another frustrating as I watched him resume normal behaviour - it really drove home what a hold sinful desires like lust hold over people.

It was a great weekend at the end of the day and I am so glad I was able to get to know so many of the lads a bit better. It would just be amazing if God could rescue some of these guys through this team.

Rusty

This morning at college, we had a class on communication skills. It was not new stuff to me - I had heard most of it before within the context of business. In fact some of it I had taught to people before. It was different however to learn about it form the perspective of preaching or sharing within a church/ministry environment. Shortly after the whole class hearing these pearls of wisdom, we went to morning worship where they heard about a football outreach that I am involved in. The talk was taken by my friend Stuart, but I had to share part of my testimony. At that moment, I realised how rusty I was with public speaking! It is very true that a skill like this needs to be practiced. I realised that it doesn't matter how much I know technically about anything really - if I am not practicing it, it will not be as well executed.

I spent 2 hours chatting with a good friend after lunch, it was awesome to be able to share thoughts and ideas. He made a great point that college is a great time to be practicing the gifts God has given us, because by the time we get to ministry situations our audiences may not be quite as understanding. He's a pretty discerning guy, you can check his blog out by clicking on the link at the side 'Learning to Walk'.

Have a great weekend, I'm off to Newcastle with the football team for the weekend.

Men are for Projects, Women are for Programmes

The book I am reading at the moment is "Why Men Hate Going to Church" by Richard Murrow. He suggests that because of a man's hunter instinct our typical cycle is: Plan - Hunt - Celebrate - Rest, which makes us more project oriented. Women on the other hand are good at creating systems to make life easier. They are programme oriented - a programme being a way of organising people and resources to meet ongoing needs. He argues that modern churches are more programme oriented and that's why men get bored there.

Personally I haven't been in enough churches or at one for long enough to know if this is true, but tonight I finished two projects - I fixed my bike tyre that had been flat for at least a month and secondly I finished the painting in our bedroom that was started at Christmas time. When I got back to the library, one of my friends said: "Why have you got such a big smile on your face?"

I've really enjoyed this book so far, the only thing I am slightly concerned about, is that I am only a third of the way through and he has mentioned twice now that men are the expendable sex!!!

Hope

I was reminded of the joy of God's wisdom this morning - this particular verse jumped out at me as I reflected on my journey with the Lord over the past 2-3 years:

Proverbs 4:18

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day."

For someone that became a Christian at 27 after many years of sinful living this is particularly reassuring to me as, contrary to my expectations, on becoming a Christian, there was still struggles to overcome and corners to turn. I think I would liken my last 5 years to trying to turn a super tanker around when it is going full tilt!

Praise be to God, for His mercy, grace, love, truth and goodness :-)

Have an awesome day!

God not letting go

The past few days I have struggled with my faith. Strange this should happen at this particular time of the year! I have been convicted of my sinful pride that puts myself before God and builds me up to try and take God's place. On the way to Church this morning I started off in a bad mood - a little depressed in fact. I was snapping at Jill a little too. And then I thought to myself - All those other people at Church today will be in a mood to rejoice, they will be excited about what this day reminds us of - the resurrection of our Lord and His victory over sin and death, yet here I am down in the pit! What is wrong with me? I tried to reason with myself and that did not work. I asked Jill to pray for me and that helped a little. I stood at the flagpole service with doubts about why I was there. At breakfast I had a good chat with a friend from housegroup and shared some of my recent struggles - now things started to look brighter. In the service as I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit amongst our fellowship, my heart began to be healed and encouraged, and a new hope began to be born - I received reassurance from God that everything would be okay and that I was in his hands. I cannot remember which song it was, but the words in one verse were to the effect of 'God never lets you go' and at that point I remmbered that this journey of Faith is never going to be without doubt and fear. Often my mistake is to think that if I start to slip, He will catch me immediately, yet I realise that sometimes it may take days, weeks or even months to work through certain troubles. My faith however has been renewed and restored today that God will never let me go as long as I continue seeking Him. Today of all days, this was so valuable to me when the message is of new life when we give ourselves to Him.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom 8:38-39)

Happy Resurrection Day!

Popularity Contest?

Phew, I'm glad that went OK! This morning I led a service of rememberence of our crucified Lord. I became responsible for this on Tuesday afternoon, then was at work all day yesterday so needed to delegate a lot of organising to others (they did great). Being responsible for the outcome, I was really concerned that we would do something that would offend people, that they would be critical about - then I started worrying that the clips from the Passion were too gruesome and that perhaps we should not have shown them in case people were hurt or offended.
But then I realised - this was an accurate depiction of what really happened to Jesus and therefore when leading people in worship we have a responsibility to lead them in and to the truth. We cannot as Christian leaders sugar coat any part of this message if we are to expect people to worship Him in truth. Jesus Christ voluntarily endured this torturous death because He loved the people of the world so much he was willing to die for our sake. We can only truly love God by fully understanding what He gave up for us.
I realised again that leadership is not a popularity contest - it is about leading people in truth and love, not some watered down version of it.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

A Living Sacrifice?

"Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship."
Rom 12:1

I shared a devotional thought at a meeting this morning. As I reflected on Romans 12, I asked myself the question: What does it mean in our lives today?
Having recently taken on new responsibility with the student council at college, I had a concern that all the extra activities and events would be draining and time consuming. As I read through the passage, Paul writes about using our spiritual gifts and I realised that we offer our gifts in sacrificial service in order to worship and honour God. I have already realised that by committing my time to serve in this way, God can only bless whatever we are doing. This position has been a real answer to prayer because I have felt a passenger in God's Kingdom for some time now. With no opportunity to use the gift of leadership he has blessed me with, I have on many occasions questioned myself and felt quite underconfident. I was hungry to serve and contribute and He has delivered something quite out of the blue. I am glad of the time of doubting and uncertainty because it humbled me and helped me realise what I was missing. I can now be thankful for the opportunity to serve and offer myself as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. What is most interesting, is that as I do, the extra time is not in fact draining, it is a joy because I love doing the things I am doing. The opportunity to use our gifts is truly a blessing!

True Love is a three fold love!

I went to a wedding today, it was such a wonderful service. It was the first wedding I have been to since ours last April and it brought back many memories of the day. The minister shared an interesting statistic - 50% of marriages end in divorce! Obviously very encouraging to the newly married couple - however, what he went on to share was that of couples that attend church regularly only 1 in 50 end in divorce and of those couples that pray regularly together only 1 in 1000 end in divorce. Isn't it amazing how much difference allowing God to be in your marriage makes!
Sometimes it has been hard for Jill and I to form this habit - we have both in the past been such independent people and in many ways this has caused us to be proud and self sufficient, yet we both know that our relationship is more important to us than anything else in the world and we will safeguard it at all costs. I truly believe that as we let God into our marriage it will be even more loving and my hope is that it then can overflow to those around us that need to be loved the most.
My prayer today, Lord Jesus is that Jill and I can submit more and more to your loving ways by coming to you in prayer every day - and in this way we can be truly loving of our neighbour, whoever that may be, so that you will be glorified in every way through our marriage.

Testimony

I was brought up in a good family environment - my parents, brother and grandparents and I all lived together in Portincaple (35 m NW of Glasgow). We used to attend church and I remember going to Sunday school classes and even some of the Sunday services as a child. From the age of 10 though all I was really interested in was my friends, football and rugby. I remember my Mum once saying that once you get to a certain age, you have to make your own mind up about things to do with God - and since none of my friends were into Church, I decided that I wasn't interested in God, in fact from some point in my life (I am not sure when) I completely forgot about God - He did not even cross my mind - the things of life were so much more important - sport, school, friends, films, music, making sure I was really just part of the crowd was the most important thing for me, to make sure I was acceptable to others. I always felt a little of an outcast as we lived in the small hamlet 2 miles away from the village where my friends were - and there was always an element that I was never quite accpeted - particularly because they thought I was a bit posh, because my Mum spoke with quite a proper English accent!

Through teenage years and into University life I gradually formed a lifestyle that is considered normal for young people today - it was all about socialising with friends, getting drunk, taking some drugs and sleeping with the opposite sex. Important topics of conversations were things on TV, movies, bands, what friends are up to, sleeping with the opposite sex, Uni, what happened at the last night out, and remembering stupid things that so and so had done that time they got really plastered! I had also become a reasonably good rugby player and while at Uni was playing in the Scottish National League with Glasgow Accies.

My life changed in some respects when I found an amazing job in America over the summer selling study guides door to door. I did really well, was one of the top students and had now added a new dimension to my life - the secrets of successful people. Most of the aforementioned things were still prominent in my life, but this now made things new - I was on the right tracks to make my life a real success, by being successful in business!

However, throughout this time two events had a dramatic impact on my life - at 19 my grandfather who had been an incredible mentor for me in my childhood died from cancer, followed by my Mum two years later. As I look back now my life was irrevocably altered. I was not going to be beaten by this - I kept striving for success in Uni and work, I was achieving most of my goals too. Yet over the next 4-5 years, despite all the success and promotions and recognition and money, I was deeply unhappy. In fact looking back now I was quite depressed, yet I was doing an amazing job of not showing it - I just kept pressing on.

I took a trip to Peru in November 1998, which was an amazing experience, and helped me to deal with some burn out. It gave me space to myself to think and contemplate, to have an adventure and broaden my horizons. One morning I was sitting at breakfast, writing my journal
and the thought of God came to mind. I did not think about Him a lot, just enough to be interested enough in investigating what it was all about when I got home. I came home feeling a new man, more confident and wordly wise and proceeded to have a few conversations with various people. I didn't get any groundbreaking information, just a few ideas. But then it was put to the back of my mind again for about two years.

I had a Canadian girlfriend that lived in London, Ontario - talk about a long distance relationship! But I got to the point where I had decided that she was the one I would spend the rest of my life with - to the point that I almost moved to Canada. But something stopped me - my career: I would need to give it up, and I was not prepared to do that, and she was not prepared to live in Scotland, and so I knew my judgement had been wrong. We eventually broke up half way through a summer selling season in 2000. Just before we broke up however, she had an experience with God, that was super spiritual and it frightened and confused me considerably.

Through the next 6 months I returned to an old way of life that I had managed to stay away from for the two years we had been together - drinking a lot and trying to get together with girls. I struggled hugely with lust in this period of time, which culminated in me sleeping with my best friends ex-girlfriend. But something else was happening in this time, a strange undercurrent of change was happening in my life. I had firstly started to feel strangely over - protective of one of the girls I worked with and was spending a lot of time with, and secondly I was beginning to ask more people about their faith in God. In short I was realising that my continuing search for peace and joy was not being fulfilled by business success or nights out or relationships with the opposite sex - there must be something more.

At that time I was renting a room from a Christian friend in his flat. I was witnessing his life close up - the quiet times he was spending with his Bible - and the peace he seemed to have inside. I did not have this peace, but I wanted it. This same girl I had become overprotective of had just become a Christian, so I asked her one night about her faith. The next week she invited me to Church because they were doing a sermon series on Questions about the Christian faith - the main reason I went to Church was to spend time with her. In all honesty I remember nothing about those services, apart from the time walking Jill to and from Church.

The next thing that happened was really strange - it had nothing to do with God - at least not on the surface, but I was developing stronger and stronger feelings for this girl, to the point that I could not live with myself if I did not tell her how I felt. I had a feeling she might reciprocate, but it was complicated - I was her sales manager, and she was still a student. Eventually I told her, and thankfully she eventually accepted that she had the same feelings for me - Happy Days!
Church continued, I started to go through an alpha course; at some point in the process I committed my life to following Jesus - but I do not remember when and there was no dramatic story to tell, just a slow, but sure accpetance and realisation that it was right and true to live my life in accordance with what I was reading in the Bible and hearing in sermons on a Sunday morning. I eventually was baptised - I remember expecting something dramatic to happen - you know like all of a sudden all my burdens would disapper and I would find eternal peace and joy, but it didn't.

I began finding business harder and harder to cope with - I was travelling a lot and found that I had few roots and began feeling more and more unstable as a person - sudden mood swings, an inability to control my emotions, and bouts of depression in which I felt as though I would never feel joy ever again and I only seemed to be repelling people rather than attracting them - this was not what a life of faith was supposed to be like - it was supposed to be full of joy and happiness that Jesus had saved me from death and I would live for eternity with God and the rest of the happy guys. I have now taken steps of faith in the hope it will lead me to find my life with Jesus - Jill and I are now married; I took the plunge and have followed what I believe to be God's call on my life to go to Bible College and am studying Theology.

So many of my decisions at the moment seem to be contrary to the expectations of the prevailing culture. To become a student again when newly married, to study for a career in full time Christian ministry instead of continuing to use my sales and leadership skills to be a success in the business world and earn a lot of money. But I am finding, slowly but surely that God is setting my feet upon a rock - my wounds from losing Mum and broken relationships in the past are being gradually healed as I discover my new life in Christ. I am part of a community that accepts me, and loves me not for what I have or am achieving but for who I am as Nick, and I have the space to rediscover the Nick that God initially intended. It is not quite a 'happy ever after story' as I see it right now because I feel that I am still in the woods trying to find the clearing, but I am safe and secure in the knowledge that with Gods love and guidance I find more peace and joy every day in different ways. I have such a wonderful wife that loves me unconditionally; I have amazing friends at Church and college who care deeply for how I am getting on and I just know that this is the way that life is supposed to be.

Unravelling

Every time I log on to my computer I see the view from my Dad's house, looking out onto the beauty that is Loch Long, West Scotland. It reminds me of when I used to go fishing as a young boy. Often we used to walk along the rocks at low tide looking for spinners and other hooks that had been snagged on the rocks - sometimes we would find a lot and sometimes nothing, but when we did find some it was interesting that the fishing wire or 'gut' was always tangled. This morning, it made me think of Christmas lights - they always seem to be tangled when you get them out the box too. Its amazing how things like fishing gut, christmas tree lights and any kind of rope, string or wiring can become tangled without any real effort at all, often we are left baffled with how it came to be that way, then it takes ages to unravel it. Sometimes it is so tightly wound that it seems it will be impossible to get it free.

This morning I awoke to find my heart like this. I am not sure how it has become so bound, I just know that it does not feel particularly free to feel and express its love. If it remains wound up, I will not enjoy any part of the day - it will be numb to experiences that normally may give me joy, I could just stumble my way through the day feeling as though I am not really involved in what is going on around me - my life in fact will be passing me by.

Last night my wife, Jill and I were out having coffee and I was explaining that so often I feel this way and find myself either dwelling on past events that have not gone as I would have liked or expected, or the opposite, worrying about what the future will hold for us or me. I realised that I find it so difficult to just be content in the moment and enjoy the blessing of now.

I believe as a follower of Jesus, he holds the key to this senario. As I was lying in bed last night I realised what was missing from my heart right now - the love of Jesus. People might say: "Well, if you have accepted Him as your Lord and Saviour, then you have received the Love of Jesus", yet I do not always feel His love - He feels so distant much of the time.
Jesus said: "Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. My Father will love those who love me; I too will love them and reveal myself to them." (Jn 14:21).
The small quiet voice inside my heart said last night: "Love, involves action. In order to feel God's love, you cannot just lie on your bed waiting to feel loved, it involves you playing your part too." I am so aware of the fact that I go through so much of my days walking on my own and not feeling God's presence, and yet as I examine my prayer life - or lack thereof - I realise where the solution to this problem lies. How can I love someone and feel love reciprocated when I am not communicating to and with them. If I never or rarely communicated my feelings toward my wife, I would be sure of never feeling love for and from her, why should I expect it to be any different with Jesus?

There have been times in the past, when by finding Elijah's cave (1 Kings 19:9ff), and reflecting on my most recent life events that I am able to unravel because the soft voice of the Holy Spirit reveals the issues and then helps me to let go of things that have causing me being tangled. Yet I do not do this nearly enough, and I have come to the realisation again that so often God is encouraging me to take time out and reflect, yet I do not listen and respond. I confess Lord that I am disobedient to your voice. I am like a child that will not listen to their parent's instruction, only to find themself getting into the bother that their parent warned them about.

When Moses renewed the covenant with the people of Israel before crossing the Jordan he said: "Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him." (Deut 30:19-20).

The author of Ecclesiastes wrote: "Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong." (Ecc 5:1).

When Jesus took Peter, James and John onto the mountain to pray God spoke directly to them- "Then a cloud appeared and enveloped them, and a voice came from the cloud: 'This is my Son, whom I love. Listen to Him!'" (Mk 9:7)

Jesus tells us: "the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." (Jn 14:26)

And James reminds us: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does." (Jas 1:23-25)

So how does my heart become tangled?
When I am not proactively seeking God to listen to His voice through the Spirit, my heart is like the garden, that unattended will be at the mercy of weeds.
Yet I can be confident that the Holy Spirit is always available to teach me and remind me of the truth. I must be listening and then be disciplined to act in accordance with the truth.

And so my prayer today is: Lord, please grant me the willingness, discipline and discernment needed for the daily journey of faith - to seek your voice in the quietness, to listen to your words of truth and life and to respond in obedience.

Blog Therapy

The process of blogging can be amazingly therapeutic. I have a friend at Christian college, who after suffering from a relationship breakup has gone through an incredibly tough time, yet has found joy and therapy in blogging his thoughts almost every day. What has been amazing about this is that God has revealed some amazing things to him through this time of suffering, and it is so clear that he has grown so much closer to Him through this time. I must admit I am somewhat envious that he has had this experience, yet I cannot help but be more joyful and amazed at God's healing presence in his life through this time.

I can remember some times in my life over the past year or so that I hit rock bottom - it was like all support structures had been removed and there was just me in this dark pit, wondering how I happened to be here. Interestingly it was always after a prolonged period of time in which I was working really hard without maintaining a balance to my life - I was getting burnt out and only by shutting down, could my mind, emotions and spirit recuperate. I am not sure how I have gotten to this position in my life, but I understand that I have a really hard time saying 'no' to things - my pride keeps telling me that I must be involved in particular things in order to make a significant contribution - as if God needs my help!! Unfortunately, even though I know intellectually that He will accomplish things regardless of me, I still form my identity by what I can do and achieve rather than who I am in Christ. The funny thing is though that when I have hit rock bottom -- to my wife and others looking on, it seems worrying, yet I am normally at complete peace down there because it is where God is most evident - at the point that I need Him the most.
I caught myself saying to someone the other day - "I am an activist" with regards my leadership style. But is this really true or is this a construct of my own to give me an identity? In many ways I am somewhat confused about who I really am at this point of my life. Even when doing the Myers Briggs Indicator there was a great deal of uncertainty whether I was an S or N and a T or F - the scores were so close together that it just left me unsure - a number of the type descriptions I could relate to depending what mood I happened to be in that day.

I have just been given a leadership role at College - Student President. Internally, I fight with the title because as people congratulate me it just feeds my pride and ego. I know that I need to be down on my knees before God even more now because as John Maxwell states - you have to give up to go up, its the Law of Sacrifice: as your responsibility increases you rights decrease. Yet my battle with pride is a constant weary endeavour that wears me out quite often . The frustrating thing can be is that I know the alternative - to be humble and content with the here and now. Yet it is so difficult to achieve that contentment in the midst of a busy life. How can I achieve this?

Jesus says: Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I wil give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Mt 11:28-30

It is so often easy to say but so hard to realise and experience this truth. How do you find the true authentic Jesus in the middle of it all? When He was stretched, He went to the mountain or out onto the lake and prayed...........